we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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