there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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