i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
