I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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