Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
