And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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