Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
