I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
