Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
