If i come over, it means nothing
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
