When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
how does that bad decision feel?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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