One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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