I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
