It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
