omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
