Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
