my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can't talk, ducks in the car
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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