I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
