My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
