I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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