I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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