I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
