I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
