i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
