i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
