I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
