Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
