Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
