At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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