Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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