We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
