Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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