Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
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