Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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