I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
