I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
