Don't make out with my wife yet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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