Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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