That's intense
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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