It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
