32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
