just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
