dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
