If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
