but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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