Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
