Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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