Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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