Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
