zippers are such a cool invention
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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