Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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