peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
