Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
